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Confidence | Fake it 'Til You Have It

 

I recently was handed a gift with a word that the give saw in me, Confidence.  I smiled and laughed on the inside.  Laughing because I didn’t always have confidence and laughing because that particular day I wasn’t feeling at all confident.  I still had it, my ability to fake it until you make it. 


One definition: a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities. "she's brimming with confidence."
synonyms:    self-assurance, self-confidence, self-possession, assertiveness; More
antonyms:  uncertainty, doubt


One of the lessons I learned in sales was fake it until you make it.  In this scenario, it was referring to not seeming like your calendar was wide open because you had no clients {yet}. If someone called and wanted to see you the next day you would reply, “Unfortunately I am not but would this day work instead?”  Showing your potential client you were in demand and also setting the expectation you were not always available at a moments notice.  I had fake it until you make it down, I just didn’t realize it had a name.  

 

My faking had to do with my life; the side outsiders saw, where I appeared to be happy, confident, and I liked myself.  I was really masking feelings of sadness, uncertainty, and I didn’t always like me.  I didn’t like the way my life was going, I didn’t feel like I fit in, and because of life choices I was making, I felt used.  I kept this all in for the longest time while spouting positivity and being the life of the party.  After all, no one wants to hear me complain, who am I going to trust, they are going to judge me, rumors will be spread.  I had no idea there were any safe places to share or that there were people who felt the exact same way I did?  

 

I started my journey of seeking help through a counselor.  I had met him through a networking organization I belonged to.  He was really nice, not judgmental and I observed him for a long time before I actually talked to him.  Quite a few people were seeing him and sharing their results.  It was more the fear of opening to someone that kept me from going sooner, not that I thought seeing someone was terrible.  He helped me a lot and helped me through some major life decisions that I was afraid to make alone.   Our time together ended and while I made great strides there was still a lot of work to be done.  It would be 4’ish years later before I would revisit working on my faking.  

 

And, as with any significant change in life, there is usually a catalyst that forces the start of the change followed by baby steps – at least that’s how it’s always been for me.  I shared my catalyst for change in “The Last Brick”.  This last brick just showed me while I had made some improvement with Doc, I still had a bit to go {a whole lotta bit}.  One of my baby steps felt like a HUGE GIANT LEAP, which I talk about in "Bricks".  The next baby step was attending a class called Life’s Healing Choices, Freedom from your Hurts, Hang-Ups, and Habits.  This was “disguised” as a 6 week women’s bible study group.  Which, truth be told, it was.  The parts they left out were; this is going to be a stretching class, you’re going to learn things about yourself you may not like, you’re going to understand a lot about yourself that will explain a lot of your decisions, you might relive some painful events you have buried, this will just be the start of a journey you might be afraid to take.  It was all that and so much more.  Thank goodness I had committed to attend this class with a friend or I might have stopped going.  I am glad I didn’t!!  It was one of the best classes I could have taken in my journey to the best me. I highly recommend taking the class when you have the opportunity.  The book study is for men and women, but the classes should NOT be co-ed.  

 

If you feel you have been faking it for too long and you're ready to take a first baby step in the healing process, this is one I can highly recommend it has healed me from so much of my past.  I can’t even begin to explain the benefits I have received.  Now while I was laughing when I read the word confidence, and partly because it was given to me on a day I wasn’t feeling it, I was mostly laughing because I was thinking to myself if you only knew what it took for me to actually feel confident.  Just know that if you are faking it until you make it – make sure you are taking the steps necessary to stop faking it.  Life is so much better when you aren’t wearing a mask.

 

His grace helping me remove my mask.  

 

Nicole    
 

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